No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
