I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
