True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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