do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
