The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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