i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
