i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
