i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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