he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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