Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
