Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we have officially lost it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
