I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize