He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
