I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
