You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
