so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
