found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize