I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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