Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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