She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
