Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
