I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
