The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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