Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
