Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
