Non-Jews are for practice
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
