Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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