i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
