9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
