So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
