quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
