He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
