This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
