i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
