I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize