You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
