I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Alive.
So much puke
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
