I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
