you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
