escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
