the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She bit a glass in half.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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