I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
