Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
