Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
