I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize