Cold hands, warm shart.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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