This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
