Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
