so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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