My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
