Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
