apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
