There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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