Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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