If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
