Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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