I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
