The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
