yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
