I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
