Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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