To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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