so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
