I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
