is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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