Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
