laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
