Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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