I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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