Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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