i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
