My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
