On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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