i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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