my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize