I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
