everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
