After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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