I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We got so high we made milksteak
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize