careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
