dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
