I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
only if we run a train.
done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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