you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would fuck him just for his dog
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
