Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
