She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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