Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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