woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
