We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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