Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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