my mouth tastes like poor choices
he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
