So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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