Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
