is your mom at the bar?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
