her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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