Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
