I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
