Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
