and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
