I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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