i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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