I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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