Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
