Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize