I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
