I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
